ANONYMOUS BUT SPECIAL #1

Here I am, with a new writing series! If I explain in a quick way, simply, I'm planning to ask people questions. However, each person will be anonymous and each question will be different and special for these chosen people. You will read some words from someone who you never know, and whatever you read will be completely real. I'm doing this because I want you to read different minds, taste different feelings. I want you to meet people via their words, not their voice or appearance... I'm doing this, since I believe that people can be known, maybe even loved, only with their words. Our words are our mirrors.

My first question is...

"WHAT ARE YOU WRITING FOR?"

“The walls of my room are full of words. They might be some quotes from songs which I cannot forget or maybe poems I cannot stop reading, or even words of my friends. You know, I mean, I think, some people talk to be quoted. I do not know why I am doing this. Maybe, it is just a struggle to be remembered. Unfortunately, I really do not know.

I write and then, I read whatever I wrote over and over again because I need something to remind me who I am.

Life is complicated. It is long but also sometimes, it seems too short that you can never handle whatever you want to achieve in your life path. It feels like you will stop trying soon.

Everybody wants to accomplish something, or they want to be considered successful. Undoubtedly, being successful, as you know, contains so many plans in different ways for different aims such as being beautiful, maybe being loved, having a family, or money, I mean, anything you want.

They are focused on the future and it might make them forget their past. However, I always think, how will you create your future, if you don't even remember your past? I mean, forgetting something is such a nightmare to me. That is why, losing my memory was always my biggest fear in life. I was afraid of being forgotten and forgetting the things that belonged to me, and identified me. I'm aware of my biggest fear, since I felt safe, and I was at peace when I had an identity. I felt that I had a spot in the picture of reality. A place special for me. Because of that, I shouldn’t have forgotten. I should have held my childhood in my own hands. What would have happened to me, if it had vanished away? I should have written everything that reflected me, each part of me had to be immortal through my words.

Briefly, I am writing and trying to hold my memories in order not to be afraid of getting lost again. I don't know if I'm valuable or someone special for this life but I do know, I can't say goodbye to the world without anything left behind me. I am holding my memories so as not to be drowned in the uncertainty of my mind. I am writing because I have to prove that I exist. I have to show myself as a human being who has a part of life. When someone reads me, I feel that I breathe between my words written on a simple paper, I feel that I completely exist with my past and my future, with the decisions which I can never make, with struggles which I can never manage, with all question in my mind which will never be answered. I see myself in other's eyes and minds, even though I have no idea about life or no shape, maybe no attachments to any kind of desire. Maybe, you don't believe me but somehow, it feels wonderful...”

-Someone who needs to write to exist