"SHE"

So you want me to talk about her? Fine. I will.

She was brilliant. But not in the way that she herself could ever understand. When I met her, she initially lived in a bubble of her imagination and only she was allowed in. But then, she let me in her bubble and I saw how truly extraordinary she was. She liked linguistics, which was honestly a weird interest for a 12-year-old. She adored music. She would obsess over every tiny detail in a piece and she would consistently separate the musical components in her head, only to put them back together in the end. She loved writing, yet she rarely wrote in her native language. She was always afraid of rejection so she felt she could avoid it if only she wrote in a language only a select couple spoke fluently. I spoke it and she’d always let me read her marvelous creations. She had such a wild imagination and the world was lucky to have her. If only she knew that. She grew up and people finally realized she was a star. They put her on stage and she sang everything she had always wanted to say. I once asked her to write a love song, the catch was that the song would be about herself, like an outsider falling in love with her. That was the only request that she didn’t fulfill. And then she was take from me. Right when I knew her smiles were the most genuine they had ever been, right when she was finally happy.

I organized her burial and listened to our songs so many times that they became every song I had ever known. So many people showed up for her funeral. It was adorable, she had asked for her remains to be scattered to the sea. I drank a lot of Sprite, for all the bottles she never got to drink. I re-watched our favorite shows as if she was with me and I texted her number that had already been canceled good morning and good night every day. I talked to the sea, so much that the kidsin the neigborhood gave nicknames to me. I loved her, goddamn it. I loved her to the core and I don’t care if you think it was romantic or not. Sometimes some people come into your life and you wish you could spend every waking moment with them. You love them so much that everything that hurts them becomes your enemy. It feels as if your souls have been intertwined You don’t necessarily have to be lovers, sometimes you are just kids who are scared, and who have been able to find homes in each other's presence. So when that is taken away, all you can do is stand by and watch, as your world burns down and your eyes sting from all the crying. But you can never move on.